Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
