Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
