I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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