I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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