Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
