my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
