i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Boobs speak an international language.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
