U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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