You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
