Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
