Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
