Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
