Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
