so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have already put on my inside pants.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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