Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
