Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
