I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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