Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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