So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
