break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
