I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
