I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
