Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
