and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
