All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
why do cheetos always look like penises
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
