He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
