He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
