I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
