You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
