so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
