It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
