She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
