so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
