Don't make out with my wife yet
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
