I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
