the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
