yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
