I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
