Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
