lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
