I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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