Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
