I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
