I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
and you fell through a lawn chair
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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