I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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