My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
