i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what day is it and did you see me today?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
