My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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