i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
