so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
