Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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